#275 – Jessie Torres Is A Superhero

Thomas Green here with Ethical Marketing Service on the episode. Today we have Jesse Torres, Jesse welcome. Hey Thomas, thank you so much for having me, excited to be here. It is very much my pleasure.

Would you like to take a moment and tell the audience a bit about yourself and what you do. Sure, I am a peak performance coach. I work with people, entrepreneurs, business owners on high level executives, those that have come to that place where they’re kind of stuck. They reached a certain level of success, but they know that there’s something more that they want to give back to the world, but they just don’t know how to do it. They don’t know how to get there. Um they’ve reached that limitation and I help them, you know, remove those levels of stress and to really come back peel back the layers of what I call as the heart armor to come back to our strength, our power and our limitless evolution so that they can affect change and not only their families themselves, but, but, but other lives. So I’m excited to be here. Um it’s my honor to have coach thousands and thousands of people from all over the world. Um working for the largest coaching company in the world and also through my own training, both in shamanic trainings, also meditation, also domestic violence counselor.

There’s just a lot of different trainings, but my biggest training I think has been my journey. And so my, my outcome is to share um that as a great superpower that we all can have with our journey if we choose to see the beauty within it. Thank you for the introduction. There is a load of questions that I want to ask you. Um, and it’s like we talked about before for the benefit of others, but at the same time I think the context would be great. So you, you mentioned your journey, would you mind sharing your story so that other people can learn about it? Sure. Oh, readers digested for you. Um, so my journey is, my parents were both born and raised from Peru. They immigrated here from lima. Um, not knowing english. Um, they started to make a living here. My dad was previously married, had two Children with one on the way my mom did not know.

And so my mom left Peru to leave him. He uh told his wife he’s leaving her, told his son who was about five at that time that he’s now the man of the house and left them and followed my mom to America. Now he told my mom that he had divorced his first wife but really hadn’t. Anyway my mom believed that they got married here in the U. S. Had my brother had me. And um after that my dad would go visit his kids in Peru and ended up getting his first wife pregnant again. Um So I have a younger brother um half brother with with his first wife. And then my parents had another child together. So I have a younger brother with my mom and dad. So it’s a little bit um you know tumultuous from the context of what my mom had to endure. But what ended up happening is for as long as I can remember my dad was s******y m*******g me and I don’t have a memory without it to be honest. Um And from that you know I was just petrified to be alone.

My dad did not punished me when he didn’t get his way. He punished my mom and my brother. Um My little brother wasn’t quite there yet but as a child I took that as my responsibility. It’s my fault if my mom is crying and my brother’s in trouble because when he did get his way then there would be Peruvian music playing and there would be you know what you want for breakfast what you want for breakfast and there was this joy in the house. And so I took it as my burden. And so I proceeded that proceeded to continue When I was 16, I tried to tell my mom and um, I use the word m****t and in spanish m****t our means to annoy or bother. And so he twisted my words. She never said another word about it to me. So that continued until I was 18 and I met this guy who uh, when I turned 18 I rebelled, I told myself, you know, I’m 18 now I can make my own decisions, I’m an adult.

And so my dad would say be home at midnight and I’d be like midnight, okay, I’ll be home at two, you know, and I just thought I’m just doing whatever to get away from here. And one day this guy I met brought me home late and um, my dad was standing on the porch, he looked at him and he said, you get out and he looked at me and said, you get in this house and he proceeded to have a night full of berating me. But what was important was the next day, my boyfriend at the time, um asked me, hey, what’s up with your dad? And I said what? He was mad at you because you brought me home late and he said, no, that was not an angry father, that was a jealous man. And from that he opened Pandora’s box and he was the first one to ever identify what I’ve been going through and I probably told him more in those two hours than I needed to. But what was what my mind made up is that in telling him all of my dirty, he still wanted to be with me and that short circuited me, I’m just like, wait a minute, you still want to be with me knowing all my filth.

Because what we don’t know in our conscious conditioning is we start to make meaning about our experiences and from my context, nobody’s gonna want a woman that was touched by her father this way, I’m gross now and I’m damaged goods and when he still wanted to be with me, I fell madly in love Now my ex um came from a family of alcoholic, his mother was a brutal alcoholic, used to beat his sisters unconscious sleep with their boyfriends, it was just very, very traumatic. He was the youngest of four, the only boy. And so he brought his trauma as well and what happened is when I, when he was 21 I was 18 and so I was madly in love and my dad was still kind of you know, chasing me around, I decided I was gonna move in with him now, no offense here, my mom is very devout catholic, but her, her method of thinking was that if you are going to live with a man, then you better be married because she lived by the creed, what will they say in spanish.

And so I was not to be living with a man and not be married. So I moved out monday I was married friday. And you know my ex and I had a conversation about what we had both been through and we decided, he said my kids won’t see me with a drink in my hand and I said my kids will never be m******d and we thought we fixed it. So, we started this journey together when I turned 21, we bought our first home and I got pregnant with twins. What we didn’t realize is that we were bringing an emotional um component of, of pain and devastation to the marriage. And so the only conversation and language he knew how to have was yelling vulgarities, insults, his mom called him a loser every day. And my dad was volatile, not quite as bad, not quite as vulgar, but he would call us stupid and you know, stuff like that. And so it was familiar from my unconscious conditioning, right? And she’s like, oh, this is just what men do. The only problem is that he became more and more explosive, more and more angry, more and more jealous, more and more controlling.

Um and I do want to preface this um with I have nothing but gratitude for my entire journey. My father and my ex included, um have a good relationship with him now and I’m grateful for every part of it. And I say that because I am who I am today with all of it now. Do I wish that I could rewrite the story. And I had a great relationship with my father and a great relationship with my my ex husband. I don’t know because I wouldn’t be me and who I am today is somebody who is passionate about helping people transmit their trauma or take whatever their pain is and and turn it into purpose and and, and passion so that we can start affecting change in the world. When I was in my marriage, um, I became very apathetic when I was 29 or 28 years old. My brother who was my only safety. He was when I was a kid, he was the only one that he would hold my hand when we walked to school and we had neighbors in our apartments upstairs.

That would argue he’d let me crawl in bed with him because I was just such a scaredy cat. And um, I loved living, you know, in his shadows and at 29 years old, he was m******d and it was a senseless m****r. It was um, you know, a woman, he had started dating for just a few months, had no idea that she was engaged prior to somebody else and he wanted her back and had been calling her and she said no I don’t want you back. I found somebody better than you, he smells better than you, he’s better in bed. She was just saying all these things that basically loaded the gun that caused this guy to kind of just go to that crazy place and find my brother and m****r him. Um My brother didn’t even know he thought he created a roof, said that his car was broken down and if he could get a ride and my brother shrugged it all this came out in court by the way we had a week long trial and uh he had walked out with the manager and the manager saw him and saw this guy getting into his car and my brother just shrugged his shoulders like I’ll give him a ride like all right and that was the last time he saw him, he took him three blocks to a residential area and shot him.

Um He is convicted and he he is in prison now for life without the possibility of parole because he did use his roommate’s gun who was a deputy sheriff. So when that happened it was just another devastation. I turned my back on on God, I flip got it off you know whatever God is universe, whatever you believe like to me in that moment there couldn’t be a god that would take away the one good thing I had in my life, he was such a good man. Um and so I I lost everything. I lost all control. I lost my faith. And if you would have asked me to look for the gift in my brother’s lost back then I probably would have punched you in the nose. But now what I know is that if we don’t find the gift, we only remember the pain and I had to find the gifts. So now, every single time I served my somebody in grief and I helped them, then I honor my brother’s life. And so I I see it, it wasn’t until two years later, um that I found a box of his things and in it was personal development things I’d never heard anything about at this point, I was knee deep in my abusive marriage.

And in there was codependent. No more book. There were notes from his therapy sessions and in that moment I heard his voice loud and clear said, justice is for you to do not me. And in that moment I didn’t know what it meant, but it never left me. And from that I continued in my relationship until I got to a point where I was literally a physical body walking just dead in every way a human being could die. My ex never believed he deserved me. He had his own trauma. And he used to tell me that God screwed up when he gave me to him and that when he figured it out, he was gonna take me and so I was gonna be no, no, I’ll never leave you, I’ll never leave you, I’ll stay with you till I die. I asked and I was going to prove him wrong. And so what happened is because he didn’t have a belief, he deserved me. He would get more volatile, more mean, more vicious with his words, it’s like pushed me away and I just kept forgiving, kept forgiving, kept forgiving until I died in every way I could.

I ended up taking a course in emergency medicine. My ex was a was a cop and I lived life behind the yellow tape and I thought, well I want to help people, I don’t know how to do that. But what about firefighting? My daughter said, mom, you’re gonna see a kid crying and you’ll, you know, a kid hurt and you’ll start crying. And I thought, well, but if I have the skill set to help the child, I think I could do it. So I took this course and my ex, who was very controlling, wanted to take it with me, but it didn’t work out with his schedule, thank goodness. And I took this course and I was petrified. The teacher said, this course is difficult, you’re going to have to have group study. I thought, oh my God, like I have to look for the women in the class because there’s no way I could take group study with men because my husband will get angry. And um I was the girl in the back of the classroom peeing her pants because the teacher is going to call on her right and he’s like of course everybody stand up and introduce yourself. Um you know, and then that’s really who I was, I walked, looking at the ground, I didn’t look up, I lived in shame. Um you know, it’s like I didn’t trust my body. My interpretation was that something about me attracted my father wrong and in my marriage it would get me in trouble.

My husband wanted a trophy wife. But then if I went to the grocery store in shorts, I was a hoar and a slut and every other thing because I wore shorts and so I would gain weight so that I wouldn’t get attention and then he’d say, you put on a few pounds there babe, are you gonna eat that? So then I would lose weight and then I would get attention and then he would get in fights. And so it’s been this constant like belief that my appearance and who I am gets me in trouble. So I was very scared in this course. What ended up happening is I flunked because my ex broke his legs and I had to be in the hospital in the morning at lunch at my lunch hour, I would go home after work feed the kids, go back to the hospital and I flunked a 10 chapter quiz and an emergency medicine. You can’t flunk, you know, because you’re not going to get past, you’re, you’re dealing with people’s lives. So the teacher told me, you know, he asked me what’s going on because he knew it was out of character and I told him everything and um, he said, look, I’ll give you an incomplete instead of a fail if you promise to take this course again next next semester.

And I was like elated. I’m like, yes, of course, for sure. So what he allowed me to do is audit the class and the reason I’m sharing this is because I want everyone to know that your act of kindness can literally change the trajectory of somebody’s life. I started to be the patient because in emergency medicine, the first class was lecture and the second part of the class was scenarios right? So I was, they would do Mach 911 calls. So I ended up being the patient and so the teacher was putting me on stairwells on, you know, under cars and they had to come answer the 911 call. So I was being like strapped to agree, you know, so I was like petrified. But what was happening is they were like so grateful. They pull leaves out of my hair and they thank me and say, gosh, you’re helping us learn, thank you so much. And I um, as kind of a techie nerd. So I took pictures of them the entire time. Like they came in with mohawks and earrings and now they were in uniform and they were answering the 911 calls. So I did this, this was back in 2003.

So like it wasn’t like you have I movie now, you can make a, you know, slide show right away. Like this took some time to put these pictures together. And so I did this montage for them and they were all blown away. So what they did is they pulled together as a class and bought me a best buy card, a gift card and think ingratitude. Now it may seem small. But to me it again short circuited me. I was like, wait, what? Like my dad told me that people just want to get in your pants, don’t trust anybody because that’s what he was doing. My ex told me jesse, you know, people subconsciously want to break up a good thing, so don’t talk about her marriage to anybody. And so I believed everybody was bad before they were good. And here these people just treated me kindly for no reason. What I knew is I don’t, I didn’t even know to call it kindness, All I knew is that I felt alive for the first time when I was in that class, I felt alive when I was home, I was dead And from that gave me the courage to think if this feeling is available then life is worth living because I was praying for somebody to blow the red light.

The only reason I didn’t take my own life was because of my Children, I didn’t want to do that to them. And when that feeling made me come alive, it gave me the courage to ask for a divorce. Now from that I was 38 years old at the time, I got, had an insatiable hunger to understand. I wanted to know why my husband, my dad did what he did when my mom ignored it, why my husband did what he did and why I allowed it and I started to read everything I could read, I started to go to workshops seminars, I I just, I had this like unquenched thirst to understand human behavior and and that led me here and I became Tony, I’m sorry, I became a coach for coaches training institute, I had a therapist who told me, I said I want to do what you do, but that’s a lot of school and that’s a lot of time and she said well you should be a coach and I was like coach like soccer coach, like I had no idea what that meant. And so I started to look into it and I felt so excited. So I went through Coaches Training Institute, got certified and when you get certified to be a coach, you kind of go through it yourself, you know what I mean?

And so there was a lot of healing that I went through in the process of becoming a coach and then from that I ended up at a Tony Robbins event and loved the community, loved everything that was going on, and so I was obsessed on becoming a Tony Robbins coach. And subsequently um I did and I did that for six years and then um decided to come out and create my own practice on my own because I lead more with spirit and more with why we’re here in purpose. And then I started working for a marketing company that actually helps business owners and entrepreneurs get their message out to the world. So I started to coach people that were creating massive businesses, but we’re stuck in their own limitations based on their past and helping them get to 56 figures a month, which was really rewarding. And so now I’m so committed to waking up the world to recognizing their magnificence and their beauty, because if I can go through all of that and come out wanting to serve the world and so can you and that’s really my hope is that in all of this I don’t share these stories for sympathy or pity, I share it because it’s something that this human being named jesse went through and on the other side of it is a hunger and a desire to serve humanity at high level and that’s my outcome for each and every person that comes in contact with me, wow.

Um, firstly, thank you for sharing that. Um, I am, although you said you don’t do it for sympathy, I am deeply sorry that you did have to go through all that stuff, but as I said before, I think the, the ability to be able to help someone who is also going through that is significantly increased when you’ve had to experience it yourself. So, I guess the first question is you spent a lot of time as a, as a coach. Have you been able to help someone who’s been in a similar position as myself? Well, it depends, it depends which which component, someone who’s been an abusive marriage. Yes, someone who’s been abused, Yes. Somebody who’s lost a family member. Yes. You know, um, when, when you start to coach people from all over the world, what you realize is that there’s some patterns of behavior that everybody starts to adopt, it doesn’t matter where you come from, it doesn’t matter your culture because it’s not the thing that happened, it’s the meaning you gave it and so we work on that.

Right? So, um, it, I don’t have to have this story, I’ve worked with somebody who um whose parents m******d their parents. So this child’s grandparents, you know, like it and that it’s the trauma and what I want to make clear is trauma comes in all kinds of ways. Some people say, well, I don’t have any trauma, I’m good, right? Um, and trauma doesn’t have to be catastrophic. What it is is the meaning. For instance, if you have a mom who is with her little five year old at the grocery store and the five year olds playing with toys in the aisle and she goes up to the front of the aisle to grab something. She can see him, but he can’t see her. He lifts up his head gets scared in that moment. And anchor anchors abandonment. It’s like, we don’t know, we’re we’re meaning making machines, right? We make meaning out of all of our experiences, it’s an unconscious conditioning that we don’t even know. And so from that we start to develop what we believe is our identity based on what happened to us.

Like for me, Shane was my emotional home, I knew how to shame myself everything. I was ashamed of myself if I left the light on all night and fell asleep, I was ashamed because I wasted money and how stupid was I that I left the light on, why didn’t I double check? And I mean, I found ways to shame myself because that’s who I believe that I was. And so when it comes to people’s trauma, whatever that is or their pain, whatever they’ve attached pain. Um, it’s about unraveling that because what we do is we build what I call heart armor. We start to put armor around our hearts to protect ourselves when we showed up beautifully loving as a child, you know, they’re innocent and you look at them and they’re like, there’s no wrong, right? And they go to a park and they see another child and like, High High, I wanna play. Yeah, and they go, you know, it’s like there’s no inhibitions, there’s no fear, there’s no judgment until someone takes their lunch box and eats their favorite snack that their mom put in there and they’re like, why would they do that? Like why, why why don’t they like me?

And we start to anchor not enough nous. Now the next time they go to the park, they might be a little bit more timid, they might not be so forthcoming. And so a little bit of heart armor was, oh, I gotta protect my heart, I can’t just go out there and do that because not everyone is nice and and we don’t realize that. And so we keep going and then we have high school, the dreaded, you know, junior high years and you know, all the meanings we make around that and then we have teachers, you know that say, you know, oh this this kid, he’s just never gonna amount to anything if he doesn’t get his act together, some sort of judgment like that and we take that on as r truth. And so again, we don’t know what we don’t know, but what we start to do is create an identity about who we think we are and who we think we need to show up as in order to be loved and accepted. And so how can we peel back all that armor to recognize that the divinity of our spirit is the truth. We were made by our creator as this beautiful miracle and we’ve lost our way. So let’s peel back that hard armor to come back to the divinity that you are the divine perfection and live from there knowing that you are sovereign and you’re strong and that you can protect that without building so much armor that you don’t know who you are anymore.

Thank you for the answer. Um do you remember the first time where you were coaching someone and they were going through something really tough and you thought, you know, I can help this person. Do you remember the feeling there? Or like the first time that you spoke to someone in that position? Oh, very much. When I first became a coach, I was very uh nervous, you know, and I had all my notes everywhere and you know, somebody comes not only with their story, but their commitment to their story. And so yeah, it’s that nerve. Like, wow, am I really going to get through to this person. Um and I remember a very impactful moment with this lady who had shared this stuff that she was going through with her family. And I felt compelled to share my story. And I, there was silence on the other end of the phone and I was freaking out like, oh no, I shouldn’t be talking about myself, it’s about them, it’s about them. And I screwed up and I literally went through this whole process in my head. And, and then all of a sudden I heard her and she was actually crying on the other end of the phone and she said, jesse, you have no idea how you sharing your story with me, helped me see my family from a different set of lenses.

And I was like, oh my God. And so we were both crying in that moment. And it was a beautiful moment. And I hung up the phone and I felt like God’s hands on my face, like literally saying, do you see what I’ve been trying to tell you? Do you see like your journey? And that was the moment that I anchored gratitude for every part of my past. I literally picked up the phone and called my dad at this stage of the game him and my moment divorce. He was suicidal. He hated looking at himself in the mirror. He had tons of remorse and I called him and I said, stop hating yourself, I love who I am. It’s okay. I called my mom, please forgive yourself cause she had all this guilt around not hearing me when I was 16 and I called my ex and I said, look, I said for whatever it’s worth, Maybe our journey was to bring these three beautiful souls, you know, our kids to the world and just know that I am grateful for my entire journey and please know that, you know, I’m happy with. I just picked up the phone, started calling everybody because I felt that connection to humanity by sharing my story somehow.

It served her somehow. It helped her. It’s like I I really have a belief that our journey is a desire and a hunger for belonging for for being loved for moving away from not feeling enough for anything. You know, I’m not enough to be loved purely. I’m not enough to be loyal to, I’m not enough to be a business owner. I’m not enough to parent properly. I’m not, you know, it’s just, it’s that constant thing that is driving us based on our experiences. And if we can see ourselves through a different set of lenses. It’s like I, I tell my kids, um, if you could just see yourself through my lenses, you would see how amazing you are. And I had this other like, spiritual moment. Um, again, all I can say is God creator University. Like whatever your belief is, it’s like I heard that voice say, do you know why you say that? And I’m like, no, I I don’t know where I got that or whatever.

And and the voice said because that’s me saying it to you. If you could see yourself through your creators lenses, you would see the divinity and the beauty that you are. So how can we get back to that? That’s my outcome. Thank you for sharing that. It’s a lovely, lovely answer to the question. You did touch on something. Um and it was about, I’m not sure if you would label it this, but it was forgiveness. And there’s a question which I was going to ask you, which is what role does forgiveness play in unshakeable living? And I think that’s a good question based on your answer. So what are your thoughts there? Great question. Um, forgiveness is a huge component. Um, huge component. Because the reason we want to come to a place of forgiveness is because of the consequences of unforgiveness. The consequences of unforgiveness are wounded heart are a a heart that’s still anchored to the pain.

And I believe everything in our journey happens under divine order. It was written, it was scripted already. And it was something that we asked for. I know it seems crazy for some people. They’re like, oh my God, I would never ask for my child to be k****d or I would never. That’s a horrible thing to say. And I totally get it. And I’m not here to say that, what happened to you was okay by no means. However, if we don’t forgive, there’s a festering in our soul that is holding on to believing that something shouldn’t have happened. I could say my brother’s death shouldn’t have happened. And what I am doing is arguing with reality. It’s an argument it happened. I feel it shouldn’t. So this shouldn’t part is an argument with what actually happened. Byron Katie, who’s an amazing author. She says, you know, when you walk around saying that shouldn’t have happened, she says, well, it should have because it did.

And if you argue with reality, you lose 100% of the time. And so if what happened happened and was under some bizarre divine order, I have to find the good in it. I have to find the gift. And in order to do that once I find the gift, then I can truly forgive. I have a four step process to forgiveness. One go back to the moment when you were most hurt when who was that person who was what happened in that experience? Go back to it in vivid color and see yourself through the lenses of a parent, see that little child, that little boy, that little girl as a parent and see what happened. And see from a different set of lenses when you see from your own parental lenses or your own God lenses, you see a beautiful child that went through this painful thing. But there’s also a beautiful child that was courageous. There’s also a beautiful child that was brave enough to get up the other the next day, maybe they cried themselves to sleep.

But they still got up the next day and chose to be kind to the kids at school or or or chose to still try to be the best boy. He could possibly be like those. That story is also true. So in my journey with my father, I used to build traps to warn me when he was coming into my room at night. Now we can look at that and say, how sad is it that a little girl had to build traps to warn her from her father. Which is true. But I also got very creative and was very resourceful and and you know, they were pretty cool traps I have to say. And I never stopped him. But it somehow gave me a little bit of peace knowing he was coming. And so that is also true. And what I didn’t know is that down the road when I was going through my very, very angry divorce, I was gonna need resourcefulness. I was going to need resilience. I was going to need creativity to get me and my kids a new home. And so again, we don’t know what God has down the line for us.

We don’t know what the future holds. But if he could whisper and say, you know what, I know that this pain is hard for you right now. And I know it really sucks. But if you knew why I need you to build resilience because I know what’s coming down the road, you would understand why I need you to build courage right now. And so I start to look at every part of the journey with what is the good in this, What could be great about this? Well, there was a little girl that got massively creative, resourceful, she was brave, she was courageous to withstand how strong is she to withstand that pain to her parents. Her mom and brother didn’t have to suffer. So that is also true. Once I find the gift which is step two, I give thanks, which is step three. Now I’m in gratitude, I’m in gratitude for the journey, I’m in gratitude for that little girl that had courage, I’m grateful to her. I see her not as filth and as something to be ashamed of. I see her as a beautiful, courageous little girl that went through something really hard. And so it’s not what happened to us, it’s the meaning we gave, what happened.

And so now I get to fall in love with her. And so once I give thanks, then I forgive and I’m a big proponent of the prayer, which is a Hawaiian prayer that was created centuries ago in honor of forgiveness and healing, and it’s four phrases, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me thank you and you repeat those over and over and over again until you re literally feel all of that fall away and you step into true forgiveness. Because at the end of the day, if everything is in divine order and for us, not to us, but for us and from us, we can start to find the beauty in our journey versus the pain because either way we’re right, it hurt. You got up the next day, this happened. You still chose to be a good, beautiful human being. Both are true. So, some of our, again, the polarity of life, we don’t know light without dark.

So some of our deepest darkest moments are converse to the height of our light. So if you can start seeing that the depth of your pain is converse to the height of your light, you’ll start to recognize the divinity that you are. So, forgiveness is huge, huge. If we don’t forgive, then we stay holding on to what we think should have happened. And when we’re arguing with reality, we’re just gonna lose another great answer jesse. You are You are full of great value today. And I’m very appreciative. There was one thing which I was going to ask you about. I’m not sure whether you may have given enough already, but perhaps clarify you said at one point you were apathetic in your story and apathy, I think is a It’s a tricky one. I wonder what you would share with someone who was feeling that way. Would it be anything different than what you’ve already said?

Yes. I mean, addressing apathy specifically. Um, that’s a great question. I’ve never been asked this question. What I could say about apathy is that it feels like there’s no answer. It feels like the only way to end the pain is to die. To be done. Every part of you is is so hurt that you don’t want to feel anything. It’s like you shut all emotions out. You shut because the pain is so profound that you don’t want to feel it. And what I would say is if you are breathing and if you are alive, there is a flicker, there is a spark that still lives within you. And so much so that when these people behaved kindly, they fanned like that that flicker became a little bit of a flame, just like, oh wait, what?

And when you’re apathetic, you might think there isn’t any. I didn’t I didn’t know that I could be pulled out of apathy. But that’s the beauty of love. That’s the beauty of kindness. That when people behave in a way that is love being because I believe we are love innately were born in love, we’re taught to hate. So we can come back to love again and love begets love when people are being loving, It fanned that little flicker enough to become a spark enough to light a flame in me that said, you know what I’m so confused, I was dead and all of a sudden I’m feeling something I’d shut all my feelings down. But all of a sudden I’m feeling something. I’m feeling like this joy like this happiness, this I can’t wait to get to this place because I’m feeling something I can’t explain. But it’s the first feeling I’ve had that made me come alive. And so my invitation to anyone that is apathetic, trust that if you’re living there is a flicker still left in you and I would seek it, I would search for it.

I would. What is that? What what is keeping me alive? There is something there and start to find moments where you can feel the beauty of love. Maybe in your own behavior. Maybe go going to you know, Starbucks to get your traditional cup of coffee, but instead you chose to complement the Starbucks barista and you say something kind and she smiles at you and you smile back and you get a twinge and it starts to fuel that flame, smiling, being kind to our neighbor, being kind. You start that process the universal law of reciprocity. You will get back more love and you’ll want to give more love and that just might be enough to fuel that flame for you to make a different decision in your life and not live in that apathetic state. So find somehow to be loving, even if you have to put on a corny movie like something that makes stuff blame just flicker and light and ignite. Maybe it’s going to the park and watching Children play, seeing them smile, laughing hysterically google google infants laughing.

It’s you know, nowadays on Tiktok, those things go viral when you do something and the kids are just laughing and so you can’t help but smile right? You can’t help but feel the joy of that child. So do whatever you have to to fan that flicker so that you can wake up to realize that you deserve to be loved and that love is still available. Thank you for that amazing answer. There’s a term which I noticed in your profile and I’d like to get your thoughts on it. The term is fierce grace. What does that mean to you initially I recognized it as the polarity, right? The two the two different energies and the yin and the yang. The strength and the grace. We are all masculine feminine. We all have both components. I think fierce grace is the universal intelligence inside are being this that says I’m gonna get up and handle that mission and I’m going to attack it with all I’ve got.

And the other one that says, you know what? Oh my gosh, I’m going to show so much love and so much grace in this moment because this person is tender and I need to be tender with them and how can we really be empowered to find that within us? I think that, you know, women have fought so hard to prove that we could do it all, that we’ve we’ve kind of tipped the scales, um were powerful and I love that. However we’ve gotten to a place where we’re wearing a masculine mask more so than our true essence, which is feminine, so much so that our men are confused and they’re like, can I help you with those groceries? Or will I be insulting you? Like, I don’t know what to do. You know? And and so and and women have become exhausted because we can do it all, but do we want to Right? And so I want to help people understand that we have the power of both. And when you really connect to the masculine part of you, which is that. And I love this example because I believe in like the infinity symbol. It’s it’s the blend of masculine and feminine for men, if they’re masculine in their core, they will show up to do the mission.

They will show up to handle the situation or the hunters or the, you know, and however, a heart driven warrior Will Trump 1000 dark nights. So when there is a warrior in his masculine who is driven by his feminine, which is to love, he is unstoppable and he will, he will, you know, take down a whole, you know, the enemy when he has to or protect his family. So it’s like there’s a saying that says a warrior doesn’t kill because he hates what’s in front of him, he kills because he loves what’s behind him. And so how can they be that protector? And that is the blend. So fierce Grace is recognizing that we can be both if you can access that beautiful, powerful part of who you are that can handle any challenge. It’s like a stay at home. Mom lifting a Volkswagen off of a child. It wasn’t because she thought she was powerful, it’s because she loves that child and wants to help that child and suddenly she does the unmentionable. How can we access that, the fierceness of our spirit to continue to move forward to help handle any challenge and protect the weak and the grace and the beauty that we have to love to nurture to care for and to protect if we’re the stronger one then because we love, we show up with that fierceness to protect.

I have this picture here that sits in front of me and I absolutely love it and it’s it’s the warrior woman with the lion behind her. And I think it’s just a beautiful example of who we get to be in in love and in our power and fierce Grace actually came out of a picture of a horse. Um I saw this beautiful, I love horses, I think horses are beautiful animals, they have this potent strength and power. but in this picture and I have it actually hanging right here. This horse is looking down and sideways and its main is covering its i it’s a very sensual picture and the and all its hair is coming down and you see the grace of that horse, but you see its power and the photographer and I didn’t know this. Um when I saw the picture, I fell in love with it, um I saw it in Wyoming and I had been traveling so I wasn’t gonna buy this big huge picture, I was going to take it home, but I fell in love with it and it wasn’t until like two or three years later that I saw the same picture on rodeo drive in California in a gallery and that’s where they had cut out the name the photographer gave the picture was fierce grace and I loved it and and understanding my own self now and recognizing the beauty of the balance of both, what we can do in our power and what we can do in our power through love, we can be fierce grace and we can bring a difference to change the world.

Well, I do feel you’re one of the topics you speak on, if I’m not mistaken is being the superhero of your own life. I do feel a little bit like I’ve interviewed a superhero today. Thank you. Is there anything I should have asked you about um No, you did Fantastic. I appreciate the questions and just in relation to the superhero. Um, I believe that there is a superhero within all of us there is that stay at home mom that wants to pull the Volkswagen off a child. You know what I mean? Like what is it that makes us do the unmentionable step into the unknown? Um, I believe where we can be leaders in all of that and there’s also, you know that sabotaging voice. So there’s a supervillain in there who wants to tell, you know, you’re crazy. Don’t do that. That’s, that’s big. What if you fail, what if you, you know, and I invite you to trust, trust that there’s a deeper resolve in you that you might not know yet. Sometimes we don’t know what we’ve got until our knees hit the floor. And my invitation to you is let’s find that before your knees hit the floor.

You don’t have to go through something horrific to step into your superhero essence and affect change in the world? Because if we’re not here to love each other, then why are we here? Why do we want to make the money? Why do we want to, you know, connect and do that? If we don’t want to share it with somebody I coached a billionaire who literally said, could you help me just be because I’ve been doing my whole life and he was on his fifth marriage. His Children didn’t talk to him and he was tired of hiring a massage therapist just for physical touch. He could buy an island. He had all the money he could ask for, but he was poor in his spirit. So if we’re not here to love each other, I don’t know what is so any anything at all that limits you from seeing because I don’t believe there’s limitation to the human being. I believe there’s only the belief that there is one. So we all can be superheroes. And so I invite to invite that into your space. If you were a superhero, what would your mission be? What would you decide you do? Not only for you, for your family, but for humanity. And let’s do it together, Jesse knocking it out of the park with every single answer.

You’re an excellent podcast guest and um I have no doubt that you’d be the same. Excellent as a coach and congratulations for all the people you have helped and will help. If there is someone who would like to get in touch with you, where do they go? They can go to unshakeablelife.com. Um, I believe that we can all have an unshakeable life and so unshakable life dot com will lead you. You can also go to unshakable life dot com forward slash life hyphen coach. Either way you get to me, I’d love to chat with you. If there’s any way I can serve you. I will Jesse. Thank you for being an excellent guest today. Thank you Thomas for having me. I’m super grateful.